April, April

Alas, yet another wordy update from me. Let me give you a summary of life thus far.

I lost my grandpa on 2nd April. I can remember it that well because the day before, I had just gone over to my grandparents' place for the usual Sunday dinner. Now, my grandpa was already bedridden for about 2 years and it was around the beginning of the year when his condition deteriorated. He lost his sight around last year if I've not mistaken but nevertheless, he continued singing with great gusto and accepted meal times well. However, after Chinese New Year, he just got..tired of living, I guess. He was always so sullen, always sleeping and not wanting to eat. Really, watching him grow smaller and smaller was painful.

I always believed that he would just bounce back and return to normal. I don't know why I thought that way. Maybe it was the fact that I was over optimistic about the situation that I made myself believe things would return to normal. Maybe I thought my grandfather was somewhat an immortal, having him around for most part of my growing up.

It still didn't hit me when my father and uncles and aunts started buying burial clothes and preparing for a funeral that might happen soon. I just felt that everyone was overreacting and that grandpa was just going to be okay. When my mom called me to tell the news at noon, I just went blank and the next thing I knew, I was breaking down in tears. Of course, a part of me misses him and a part of me is glad that he does not have to suffer anymore. A teeny part of me felt sad because I knew just how much a torture it was to spend his last days like this. Just lying there, doing absolutely nothing, not able to see anything.

Grandpa was always an active person. In his better days, he would always be outside the house, peeling garlic for the grocery shop the family owns, sweeping the floor, napping on his rocking chair, doing light exercises, playing with the dogs or taking walks. Having an active person reduced to such measures was indeed a torture. Remembering him as how he was has been a comfort. I guess no one took his death well but it is something we have grown to accept as time goes by.

It was good to see the family gather again although on a sad occasion. It was good to flip through old photographs and retell childhood memories. It is at moments like those when I feel that growing up has just changed things so much. Wouldn't life be a lot better if things have just remained?

When my grandparents lived in the 3-storey flat in town, us cousins would gather there every Sunday and have games together. We'd explore the 3-storey flat, play games like 'house', 'ghosts' or slide down the stairs on boxes. On my grandparents' birthdays, all of us would dress up and a feast would be cooked up. How times have changed. Grandpa back then was generous as he is today. He never fail to give us money every week and would sneak packets of sweets to us, warning us not to tell grandma. He would always cheat me and asked if I wanted a 'watch' in which I would say yes. Then he would proceed to bite my arm leaving a round teeth mark which was the 'watch'. He enjoyed singing nursery rhymes like 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' or 'Ten Little Indians'. So many other memories to recall, really but I still do miss him at times. The only comfort is that he has gone to be with the Lord. We will meet one day.

Anyway, moving on.

Work has been a roller coaster rides. I have good teaching days and I have bad days as well. Sometimes I feel like hugging the kids but other times, I just feel like whacking them. I am still trying to motivate my kids to do their best because most of them are from Chinese schools and have very little interest in learning or mastering the language. I have a couple of kids who are slow as well which can sometimes slow down the entire class. I have this one kid who has some sort of a brain disorder and requires so much attention. However recently, he has begun showing interest in learning and wanting to try to do things himself. Sure, he may test my patience other times but when I see him trying so hard to be just like the others, I feel really proud of him. I hope he can try to do his best in school as well.

I've started Reward Days as well where I would pick a random day to reward the kids. For good work, I would put a smiley sticker just to show that good work is very much appreciated. With little gestures like these and a lot of patience and love, I really hope to see more improvement in time to come.

Apart from that, I've been slacking in gym! I wish I could gym as often as before but I've been sick with fever and sore throat lately and have only begun recovering today.

With a day before the coming of age, ahem, I don't really expect an extraordinary day tomorrow because I have things to settle and classes to teach. I just pray for a smooth class because it is revision class tomorrow and my kids need to do well on their vocabulary!

Dinner with the family will also be something to look forward to I guess. And cakes. And then Friday gym session! Rawr! I need to gain back that momentum.

That is all.