Over thinking much?

Dear diary,

I've been doing too much thinking again these past few days. Sometimes, these thoughts forces me to question my sanity and whether I am on the verge of depression. Sigh. I just can't quite tell at times.

I've been doing reflection of this entire semester and while we are going into week 8 soon, I can honestly tell you that I have no idea about what is going on. Be it assignments, lectures and even tutorials, I feel so blank and helpless. Do I have any idea about anything I've learnt? No. Yes, tell me this is normal but this is the first time I've actually felt this way so it is not normal for me at all.

Where has the motivation gone? Deadlines are looming closer than ever and still I find myself not feeling moved by it all. Sure, mentally I am stressed out but physically, I don't feel like doing anything at all. When it comes to generating ideas for assignments, I find myself just spacing out and being mentally blank most of the time. This is not me. Where has my mind gone to?

Heck, if you ask me now what I plan to be in the future, I'm not too sure anymore. When I think of life after gradtuation, I am filled with fear. Irrational fear perhaps. Will I fare well socially? Which path shall I delve into? Teaching? Mass Media? Where shall I work? Can I adapt? Can I be independent alone? Will I be able to adapt to the environment?

Why do I worry about such petty things? Why are there people that are so confident and so sure of themselves?

I honestly feel so detached from me. I don't know myself anymore.



The one song that hit me just now.

While I struggle to rediscover who I really am and decide what I want to be, I can be comforted in knowing that after this struggle, there is a definite plan out there that has been designed for me.

Now, if I can just find the right first step.