Exhausted

I am spent. Physically and emotionally. My temper is so short these days, I fear I will one day end up with no friends.My brain gets clogged up. Pimples are popping out randomly. I have absolutely no life at all and I have ugly dark circles that seem as though they won't fade away. My eating habits are so screwed. I have never seen myself snack so much in between meals and after. I've not gone to the gym since last week and I don't know if I will have the strength to go back again. I prefer sitting around listening to conversations most of the time compared to jumping into one. My mind drifts away to places unknown as I do this. I do suddenly get very hyper and happy at times but at other times, I feel as though there is no point.My favourite song is still IV by X-Japan as of now and this makes me seem so emo. I talk so much crap these days, even I am amazed at my ability. Just ask Ai Ling jie. I bet she thinks I am crazy. My way of de-stressing perhaps? Assignments and deadlines are poring in like MAD and there are no such things as relaxing weekends. I hate all my clothes (except for that quite nice retro-ish dress but that is a different story)and I have weird hair. I should probably just get it back to that old spiky mullet cut, although it was quite err interesting. I feel so lifeless and undependable. Heck, I haven't even gone for 1 CF meeting eversince the start of the semester! Was initially planning to today but damn those sweet, lovely durians..mmmm.EVIL. EVIL. Gosh, I feel so guilty at this point, you have no idea. I WILL make more of an effort to attend. One small thing to pat myself on the back on is that I still do attend the Thursday church service at Church of Praise. It feels as though I have been in second semester for years now but the harsh reality is, it has only been 5 weeks. 5 lousy weeks and I already feel so old. I agree with Fiona about MJ. No one ever left him alone when he was alive. Allegations and accusations overshadowed his talent. I grew up listening to MJ. When I was a kid, my uncle used to own this bar (at the Siamese Secrets row of shops) and in some mornings, he'd bring me there. He would play this Michael Jackson video (I think it's History too?) and my favourite music clip and song ever was Black and White. Then we did a short Thriller dance for the Christmas play back in 2004. The day he died, Ling jie and I watched some of his music videos on Youtube. You have to admit, behind the hideous exterior was a music genius. Although his name is used as a verb (pulling a MJ=paedophile) which is not in a good way, I'd rather remember him for his music. He was a legend, really. Kok and I had a conversation about this issue on MSN last week. He said that most people were only paying tributes to MJ after he died but when he was alive he was often ridiculed. Who do we believe in for the truth? The dead person himself or the cruel media? I guess this will always remain a mystery. See, even petty things like these gets me so emo these days. I hate myself these days for always disappointing people. Most of all, I hate it when I know I disappoint God. YET, here I am, asking for His forgiveness and His guidance in my life, and knowing that He will provide although I am just a mere useless being, I just get so frustrated at how weak I am. I. Hate. This. And knowing that my eyes have been feeling so very tired for the past many hours, here I am typing this post, ranting out basically everything to everyone, not even bothering to censor things I type. Woe is me. I would salute the people who would bother to finish reading this entire post. Seems like you care after all. I dislike how I tend to procrastinate and prefer doing aimless things compared to things that will benefit me. Why do we prefer the unimportant over the essentials?

I am exhausted and exhaustion is not good for the soul. At all.

My keychain asks for your forgiveness, on my behalf.

God=strength, God=strenght, GOD=STRENGTH.


The things I do to entertain people after a long emo rant. Yes, I look atrocious but I was just testing the video function of my DSLR. Going to have to help Derek and gang for one of their Psychology assignments. Yes, I am appointed cameraman.

To happier days ahead.

Till then.