Just felt like posting

So I was feeling a bit blue today. As in for the entire day. =(

I hate feeling blue. Feeling blue sucks. But the colour blue is nice, no? Hurhur. Lame.

But it is true that I did get some things get to me, hence causing me to be a bit more moody compared to the normal me. Somehow, after going online and all, I started feeling like my normal self again.

I would think this is also associated to the fact that I have found privacy since everyone is out to this concert thingamajig at Imperial Hotel.

Sometimes, big events makes me feel sort of out of place. Have you ever gotten that feeling? That the crowd is devouring you and then your head starts getting all light and you just can't seem to think straight and start being all self-conscious and stuff? Maybe it's just me.

I've been thinking about entering uni again for these couple of days. Well, ever since some situations started getting to me. Perhaps leaving this city for a bit would do me and everyone else a lot of good. You know, I was just sitting at work waiting for patients to show up when realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Do I honestly want to spend the other half of the year (if I can help it) just being like this? So stagnant. Unmovable. Do I?

I find myself dreading to wake up at 6.30 am every morning. Dreading the fact that my weeks have become this cycle that repeats itself over and over again. Dreading dreading dreading.

I dread the way I waste my time. In the present and the past. I dread the fact that I do regret about some of the things that I have done. Regret the fact that I have given a part of me to others that are well, unappreciative. Regret the things that I said. Regret the thoughts that I've thought. Dread and regret.

I guess having a invisible wall around me would be a whole lot better than being expressive. I find that when I do have this layer around me, I don't do the things that I would regret later on in life. Exposing a part of me to others makes me vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable. From now on, I shall try to be calm, cool, collected. I shall NOT show my vulnerable side if I can help it. After all, I guess this is me. Hmm. Is there such a thing as female pride? If there is, I reckon I do have that; wanting to appear strong and independent all the time. That's why hating vulnerability comes in.

Am I making sense? I need a personality revamp. =.=

Till then.