Under pressure

Oh dear Lord. 1 month to go. 1 freaking month.



I am the ever perfect student.



I really am. Perfect students procrastinate a whole lot. Perfect students spend 15 minutes studying and then hurry off for one hour or so watching videos on Youtube. In my case, America's Next Top Model & Blood+. Bad combination!

Oh my Lord Oh my Lord Oh my Lord. This is exactly what is going on in my mind. I am actually Oh My Lording away.

Oh and 'Under Pressure' by Queen is playing now. Very comforting.

I'm not asking for straight A's and all. I am afterall an average student. However, I do still set standards for myself. Standards that I hope aren't too hard to achieve since it seems like an easy achievement for others.

Oh dear Lord. Savemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesaveme.

I'm not ready. I am not. I want it to end yet I don't want it to end. I want to get over it yet I don't. Yeah, what the hell right?

People expect you to do well. I want to. Yet I don't trust myself. Hell, Aside from the goal I have set, I have not even tried to forecast my future STPM results. I don't want to disappoint myself. Ever. Hey, maybe I should like forecast 4 Ds or something and then if I can get something better, I'd be like whopp-dee -doo! & cheat myself into believing I did uber well.

I best not be cursing myself into oblivion. I am better than a bunch of D's. I am I am. I AM. Oh gawd. I can't make myself believe I am better.

I don't even want to think of the outcome. I don't know what I want to do anymore.

Oh my Lord. This freaking sucks. Yes it does, yes it does, yes it does.

Dear God, I just want to do the best with the ability You have given me. That's not too much to ask is it?

Is it?


I hope, no not hope, I DON'T want to regret anything I've done this past year. I DON'T. I DON'T want to look back and go like "Damn. I could have done better. I should have.."

Could have. Should have. Disappointment. Again. Again and again.

Disappointment is one of the fears in my Fear List. In case you've never been disappointed a single time in your life, I should let you know it sucks. Big time. You feel loserish and as an after effect, you have this constant fear that no matter what you do, the losing percentage is higher than the winning. That you'll never make it. That it doesn't matter what you do. You will just FAIL all over again.

I should probably just stop thinking now.